Confessions of a Shota
by Rei Satomi
Summary: Can everyone's favorite Vocaloid shota reveal his true feelings? It may seem like Kagamine Len had his sights for the ever popular Hatsune Miku but see how he deals with his hidden love for Kaito Shion. Will he be able to tell him? Len X Kaito.
1. Chapter 1: North pole, South pole

_After Len told him everything, the burden he'd been carrying on his shoulders was finally lifted... but is the pain really over?_

Kagamine Len stood facing the front of a tall house. His knees weakened at the sight of it. The white walls standing proud looked especially clean, with it's large rectangular windows gleaming in the sunlight. Sitting on top of those walls, was a blue tiled roof which gave the house a calm atmosphere. A beautiful garden rested in between the street and the house. Overall due to the size of the house one might say it was more of a mansion than a normal house. Carefully trimmed hedges and flowers which were obviously well cared for suggested the owner loved his beautiful garden. The smell of morning dew and leaves. A nostalgic feeling hung in the air. It was here, in this exact spot where he was standing that every time he stood here all the feelings came crawling back to him. Feelings of regret, hurt, joy and most of all love. It wasn't the first time he'd found himself staring and standing at the foot of this house.

Len felt the cold chill that went up his spine whenever he wandered near this house. He would always stop by here whenever he could get the chance. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't go through a day without staring at the large house. Something called him. Something pulled him to this place. A strong attraction of some sort. As much as he wanted to run away... there was something deep inside him, something that made him keep wishing and hoping. He told himself time and time again to give up. After all there was no reason why he would even have a chance. What kept him going? He wondered about this all the time but he never seemed to figure out the answer. Just as he was about to step on to the porch something caught his attention.

"What are you doing here Len? I know you come here a lot but aren't you supposed to head to the studio? You're running late." A hand perched itself on Len's shoulder. Making it shudder.

"A-ah Miku, I w-was actually on my way there!". He said, already making a run for it, almost tripping as he made his way down the street. He was so close to ringing the doorbell of that house. Luckily Miku appeared and snapped him out of it. Len felt so relieved because if she hadn't stopped him he wouldn't know what he would do. Thoughts of worry and panic raised in his head. He had to get out of there. Passing Miku, he could hear her snicker under her breath and he began thinking of thousands of possibilities of what Miku was thinking. Everybody including her thought he had a huge crush on Miku. This didn't really bother Len that much though. It was one of the things that would distract people from what he really felt about someone else.

He waited until he placed some distance between himself and her then he turned on his heel and looked back at the tall house. Miku was already at the doorway ringing the doorbell. Len froze, he wanted to start running again but his legs just stayed, glued to their place. Only when the door opened wide and he saw him, did he turn around and resumed running.

The Crypton Future Media studio was the largest building of its street that it would be impossible to miss. Len, who was panting, went through the big doors and carefully made his way to the recording room. He ran around ten minutes from the house to here. If he walked it would've taken him at least half an hour. It's a wonder what panic does to a person. Even though it was good he arrived at the studio earlier than he expected it gave him a headache. His heart was beating faster than the normal rate. He dragged his feet, staggering while trying to clear his head. As he neared his destination it was as if he was oblivious to everything and everyone around him. Good mornings and hellos where ignored as his thoughts attacked his brain. "_Why Miku and not me". _He bent his head down as he entered the room, still lost in his own thoughts.

"Hey! If you're gonna leave me behind at least have the courtesy to show up on time! Oh and by the way here's your breakfast!". Without missing a beat a banana was thrown at Len's face snapping him back to the real world. "So anyways where the heck have you been huh? You out stalking Miku again?" Rin, Len's twin sister, said while picking up the banana on the floor which Len had failed to catch.

"Oh hey sis. Umm just went out for walk thats all". He said trying to act casual while getting the banana from his sister. Adding to the effect of "acting casual" he peeled the banana and munched on it hoping to avoid suspicion. He forgot to wake up his always energetic sister this morning. No matter how eager Rin was to do anything she just can't seem to wake up on time. Len unintentionally left her but he thought it was better she didn't know where he was. It was then he realized how much time he really spent there, since it was already close to noon.

Although Rin was clearly not convinced she let it go and decided to drag her little brother near the middle of the room where the microphones and instruments were set up. "Well enough with the excuses we need to finish recording! Did you remember to memorize our song? I call the first verse!". She said, hyper as ever while standing next to the microphone and Len strapping on his keytar.

"Yes of course". Len said as they started playing the intro. In fact how can he not memorize it? This song is what he's been thinking about for the past few weeks. He couldn't get it out of his mind. It was like watching a commercial with a lame song on it and having to put up with it playing in your head over and over. After days and days of practicing this song he referred to his last song syndrome as "mind poison". He can't do anything about it though... after a few more notes, Rin will soon start singing those lines.

_kahosoi hi ga, kokoro no hashi ni tomoru  
>itsu no manika moe hirogaru netsujou<br>watashi no chou, fukisoku ni tobi mawari  
>anata no te ni rinpun wo tsuketa<em>

A soft touch of desire, Puts my painful heart on fire  
>Drowning in your warmth and beauty everyone admires<br>My small and sparkling butterfly, Flutters under your eyes  
>Sprinkling your slender fingers with ecstatic sighs<p>

Thinking deeply on what the lyrics meant, Len almost forgot to sing the next lines, the lines that would be sung together with his twin. After a glare from Rin, he recovered and tried to focus. Up to a good start he thought. They were near the half of the song and he was still in control of himself. He was feeling okay... until they reached the chorus.

Len felt weak. His hands pressing on the keys shivered and his arms were heavy. A feeling of extreme misery filled him. This song meant so much more to Len than just a song he had to sing. It was one of those songs that conveyed your emotions and moved you to a point where you would break like a fragile mirror. He thought he could take it but it seems he was much more of a mess than he first thought. He looked away from his twin. As they began singing the chorus, his eyes teared up, thinking of that one person he really should be singing this to.

_dakiyosete hoshii, tashikamete hoshii  
>machigai nado nain da to, omowasete<br>kisu wo shite, nurikaete hoshii  
>miwaku no toki ni yoishire oborete itai no<em>

Now if you'd try and hold me tight, And tell me every thing's alright  
>Please would you lie to me, Smile and say you'd stay for the night<br>Brush your lips on mine, Ignore the tears that make me blind  
>Intoxicate me now, Melt it with your breath, The last of my sane mind<p>

Len went like this up until the last note of the song. It was a wonder that Rin didn't notice it. But of course, she was too busy admiring her own voice that she did not see her twin crying through out the duration of their song. "_If only we were like magnets" _Len thought as he blinked away the tears.

_Len wondered what if he had the courage to go on and ring the bell to Kaito's door. Would he be able to tell him everything? Would he just stare at him, completely mesmerized and star struck? No one knows. The only sure thing is eventually... Kaito will find out. _


	2. Chapter 2: What is Love?

"Uwah~! Are we there yet? Len go and make yourself useful and carry me. My legs can't take it any longer!" Stretching her arms up and yawning, Rin leisurely crawled up on Len's back and immediately fell asleep. Although this made Len stagger a bit while he was walking, he was able to balance himself and his sister at a steady pace. Even though they only had one song to record this day, it was already almost dinner time and the Kagamine twins headed to their home.

"Well that was obviously not a request". Len muttered to himself as he lugged the sleeping Rin up the streets. Even though he knew that even if it wasn't a request he would still do the same for the sake of his older twin. He let out a sigh and glanced at Rin. She was already drooling and was snoring pretty loudly. With this Len couldn't help but smile. He could never say no to Rin. As obnoxious and selfish she is, she's still his older twin. Len would do anything to make sure she was happy. Even if it meant doing her bidding and getting bossed around. It was weird. Even though she was the closest person to him, he still felt alone. He'd tell her about Kaito if he wanted to... it was just that she loved him as well. Mostly everyone knew, even Kaito himself. It was the reason she made a rivalry between herself and Miku. Although it was up until recently that she didn't act on it as much, since she thought Len liked Miku. It's funny how when surrounded by people, it's when you feel the greatest of loneliness.

All Len could see were streets and rows and rows of houses whose lights were already lit. This made Len uneasy. He didn't like nights like this. If he could only watch this night unfold from a beach or even on a mountain side he would've felt a lot better. He missed feeling the breeze on his face and not having a care in the world. The secret he kept prevented him from relaxing as much as he used to. Not that he was blaming it on that, but he also misses the time when he could breathe easy. Bottling his feelings inside of him all these years was making him close to breaking. Trying to distract himself he stared up at the sky to check if he could at least see the stars. Apart from the streetlights the only thing lighting the night sky was the crescent moon and a few stars. Len expected more but it was enough for him to adore. He longed for the day when he could gaze upon the night sky and see the millions of wonderful stars again.

Len came to an abrupt stop when he realized where his feet dragged him. Too distracted by the beauty of the night sky he already missed their house by a few blocks. Good thing Rin was still asleep or she might have thrown a fit. It took a while before Len finally turned around and headed to their residence, leaving the house where he somehow always ends up. He didn't wonder why he went there, instead he was wondering why the lights were closed. Not sure why it mattered though, he just thought at this hour they would still be up doing who knows what. He glanced at the house once more to check for any signs of movement and yet, it was silent as a ghost town. Rin squirmed and with that Len quickened his pace and headed once more to their house, in fear she would wake up.

The moment Len entered the gate Rin jolted from his back and raced towards the front door. She slammed it shut as she entered their residence. Len didn't really suspect anything odd from this. Although as he drew near the door, he soon heard familiar voices giggling inside, awaiting his entrance. The door flew open. Len shifted his position and missed the door by inches. He stared nervously at the people behind it.

"I thought it would be _very _nice if Miku joined us for dinner!" Rin said with an evil grin while pulling Len to enter the room. Even though the two girls were playfully teasing Len, his gaze was completely far from the two. He was looking right behind them where Kaito stood proud and tall, smirking as they made their way to the dining room. Miku and Kaito already had dinner set up.

A familiar scene popped into Len's head. As Miku and Kaito were talking to Rin, Len suddenly remembered the time where he followed that voice. _What is Love?_ Those words were ringing in Len's head. It was as if Kaito himself said it out loud, but Len knew where he heard it from. As they sat down for dinner Len couldn't stop himself from looking at Kaito's direction. The same smirk on his face. The same words were repeating in Len's head. _What is Love?_ He hated remembering. Even now that he is older he still couldn't understand what happened.

_It was a few years ago. Inside the same large house with the blue roof. Len was just curious about the man living there. He's been here countless times before but it was always Miku he was following. Now he was going blindly about the house, wandering in the hallways. It never seemed to end. Hallways, staircases, and doors, all of these fascinated Len. If only there was a way he could explore all of it. It seemed so much like an adventure, discovering new things._

_Startled by the voice of the blue-haired man he followed it. The voice kept asking him "What is Love?". Of course Len didn't know the answer. He just wanted to follow the voice. Curiosity telling him to trudge on. It came from the room where he followed Miku to almost every time. The one with the biggest door. Again and again the voice called out the same words. The door creaked as Len tiptoed in. He was finally face-to-face with the blue-haired man he'd always see with Miku. _

_With a puzzled look the man asked him "What is love?". Len opened his mouth. He was about to say something but he stopped halfway and closed it again. The only thing that left his mouth was "Mi-" yet the man knew right away what Len was about to say. _"_Well then, Miku did tell me you might have followed her here many times before... so tell me. What brings you here Len-chan? That is your name right?" The man stepped closer to Len. Closing the gap in seconds. A smirk forming on his mouth._

"_Kaito... that's what Miku called you before". Confused and in a daze he kept repeating "Len-chan" in his head. Although he was young he knew "chan" was meant for girls. __Nobody he knew called him "Len-chan" before. __He just didn't want to argue with someone older than him so he went with it. Thinking he himself was a kid and that he probably didn't know any better._

"_Smart little boy but why are you being so formal? You can call me Kaito-nii if you want". He said this while stroking Len's hair. Making the boy at ease yet a little uncomfortable. Kaito stared at those emerald eyes and knew how much Len has seen yet was too innocent to understand._

_Was he supposed to be angry or glad? Did he do anything wrong? __Len stared. He was unsure of what to say. He was unsure of what to do or even why he went there in the first place. He was so confused tears suddenly poured from his eyes. He felt like he was trespassing. He thought he had done something bad and wondered if Kaito would punish him for spying on them all the time. He shook his head as he decided on whether or not to run away or stay put. One word escaped his mouth "Kaito-nii"._

_Kaito held Len close. He looked at a table near his bed. A pair of specs resting on top of it. His smirk grew bigger. Len was swept up and was now lying in Kaito's bed. Still crying he was trying to calm himself down as he saw Kaito put on the specs. Panting heavily, Len sat up and wondered why was he on the bed. Just as he was about to get off, he got hit really hard. Now staring up at a scary looking Kaito he couldn't do anything but lie there."I may not know what love is Len-chan but you know... passion is what I'm really good at". _


	3. Chapter 3: More

"Is there something wrong, Len-chan?" It took a while for Len to get back his composure since he stood up violently just a few moments before. Kaito's smirk grew as he questioned him again. Len's eyes were blank. He had almost forgotten what was happening in the present time. Checking each face around the table, the shade of his own face got redder as soon as he realized what he just screamed. Without another word he left the table and sped up the stairs, leaving his food untouched.

"What the heck is wrong with him? And why does he get to call you Kaito-nii? I wanna say that too!" Rin told Kaito or at least tried to since she said this with her mouth still full of food. Not really waiting for an answer she took Len's plate as soon as she finished hers. It may have occurred to Rin once or twice that Len was acting really strange but even if it did, she showed no sign of caring whatsoever. In minutes, she finished off Len's food. "Hey, Miku you're the one he's head over heels for. Why don't you knock some sense into him? Or at least sweet talk him into telling you what's his problem. She said this while pointing at Miku, then sticking out her tongue at her.

"You're his sister! What kind of twin doesn't know her own twin's problem? If you weren't such a lazy bum maybe you'd already know why he's like this without needing him to tell you. I mean how many times did Len make sure _you _were okay? For once stop being so conceited and narcissistic and help him. You don't even need to lift a finger your royal laziness". Fed up with Rin's selfish ways Miku had already built up many arguments against Rin that she just kept going on and on, lecturing her.

"I don't need someone like you telling me how to treat my twin. Why should I even listen to anything you say? The only reason why I don't know what the deal with him is, cuz he won't say anything. It's not like I know everything about him. We're two different people you know. How would you know what it's like to have a twin? You know nothing about us so stop pretending like you're some mature adult who knows everything. You're still a kid just like the rest of us". Rin's fist clenched with anger. Her right eye twitched at the thought of her taking Len for granted. She would never let Miku beat her in an argument, especially ones with touchy subjects like this.

"I-I was used." Len, who was now locked up in his room sat down next to his bed punching the nearest wall to him. He was mad at himself. What was wrong with him? Wasn't he good enough for Kaito or was Miku really better than him? The more he thought about it, the more he thought of himself as worthless.

Ever since the incident Kaito had been cold. It was like one of those movies where the "leading man" dates a girl then afterwards dumps her and then continued on living like she never existed… like nothing even happened between them.

"Cold… heh kinda lame for me to say that right now since Kaito really is "ice". I always loved the heat and warmth. It made me feel safe. It was as if nothing could hurt me but now it's different. The moment he pulled me to him I was in shock, but afterwards the burning pain I felt at the start, slowly but surely faded away. I was suspended, or more appropriately, I was frozen in time. I laid there, realizing that with each passing second I was becoming more comfortable or addicted even. I just wanted to melt in the exhilarating icy coldness and let it numb all the pain. If only it could last forever. The problem with ice is when it's gone all the pain comes right back, of course it becomes milder, but pain is still pain right? What will I do if he does it again? I mean I'm not exactly sure if that's what I want. I know I want him but applying ice again well, you'll have to go through the starting pain again, although a daily dose of ice would be nice. I really need to stop babbling about the stupid ice analogy. Bottom line is I want him. I need him. Hell I love Kaito and I can't deny it anymore".

"That's very clever Len-chan. Ice right? It's only been a few years and look, I've already turned you into a poet. A little too cheesy for my taste but whatever it's cute enough." Kaito's voice echoed into the shota's room. Len turned around to see the still smirking man, wearing his specs and fiddling with his door. With a click Kaito locked it shut.

"_Wait didn't I lock the door? How did he get in here? Why had he brought his specs? Darn it how long has he been standing there?" _Len blushed. His cheeks turned red which only increased how cute he looked to Kaito. He stared into Kaito's sapphire eyes and if he wasn't mistaken saw a hint of something. He wasn't sure what but it sent chills down Len's spine as he stood up from the floor.

"You know, it's not very wise to leave the key to your room just anywhere." Kaito held it up high, spinning it using the chain that was attached. "So I'll do you a favor and keep it safe with me." He placed it in his pants pocket and shot his teasing eyes at Len, wondering if he'll ever recognize suggestive when he sees it.

"Kaito-nii I umm l-lo… lo" afraid to see what Kaito's reaction will be, Len shut his eyes tight. _"Come on say it! You know you want him to know. Spit it out already!" _Something touched his chin. Len opened his eyes and saw he was an inch away from Kaito standing in front of him.

"Hey now that's not really necessary. I heard everything you said" Kaito caressed Len's face and grinned at how he could easily make the little boy change color. In truth, he knew all along how Len felt. He just didn't want Len to get into something he'd regret.

"I love you". Len said the words. His voice didn't shake and there was no sign of nervousness from him. He gave a slight smile, relieved that he finally said it and that he had no intention of ever taking it back. It dawned on him that Kaito's expression changed from stunned to yet again a smirk in a few seconds. Kaito was staring; he must have not expected the words that came from Len's mouth. He opened his, and before he could finish the sentence "_are you sure?" _Len gave him an answer he would never have anticipated.

Len's lips crashed onto Kaito's and they landed on the shota's bed. A few seconds passed by and Len could feel the grin forming on Kaito's face. It took a while for both of them to realize what just happened and as soon as Len's mind reminded him what he just did, he pulled away. Just as his mouth left Kaito's he felt the playful grin turn into a frown. Before he could fully free himself, Len was pulled back into the kiss which, due to Kaito, was more passionate than the first one.

"_Oh no you don't" _Kaito thought as he pulled Len closer to him, making sure he won't pull back again.

Len's vision doubled. He felt as if the oxygen was being sucked out of him as his lungs screamed for air. Dizziness overtook him. Not sure whether to obey his need for air or his need for Kaito he lay there, already on the brink of fainting.

"Len-chan, are you breathless already? Don't faint on me. You're gonna want to be conscious for this." Kaito moved on to Len's neck, which gave Len some time to catch his breath. He gave him small butterfly kisses and when that didn't satisfy him he gave a small bite, which made Len moan in the process. Caused by pain or satisfaction Kaito didn't care, it turned him on and that's what mattered to him. He returned to Len's lips and kissed it with as much fervor as he can muster, hoping Len will give in and part his lips and give Kaito access. Too distracted by this, he didn't notice the hands that now rested on the buttons of his shirt.

As hard as it was to breathe Len couldn't help but let out moans and sighs. He couldn't control anything he was doing. How can he when he didn't exactly know what was happening? The harder he fought the more tired he became so, he just let things run and tried not to worry about it. His hands rested on the first button of Kaito's shirt, and without thinking about it he undid it and moved on to the second one. This time though, he paused as Kaito placed his face an inch in front of Len's daring him to do it. Len's hands shook and he withdrew them. Kaito gave him a stern look and reached out and in a matter of seconds; Len's shirt was thrown on the floor. A minute passed by and Kaito had also yanked Len's shorts off. He gave Len another look which probably meant he was daring him again to unclothe him.

Len convinced himself. If he was gonna start this thing, whatever this thing is with Kaito, he's gonna do it right because well, he loved Kaito and he wouldn't want him to be angry. He stripped Kaito's shirt off of him and hovered over his pants. Len was already down to only boxers. His hands kept trying to unbutton and unzip Kaito's pants but they always retreated.

"Just do it! You're killing me here!" Kaito finally said making Len shudder as the shock made him pull it down. They were both down to boxers. Kaito continued to fervently experiment with Len's body while Len obviously just laid there.

"_Kaito must be satisfied by now"_ Len thought as Kaito persisted to make Len let out more noises. Obviously Kaito was far from that. As fast as all his other clothes had been discarded, the only thing keeping Len from being ultimately exposed had been swiped away and now lay on the floor. Len's first instinct was to cover himself up with his bed sheets. This of course proved to be futile as Kaito slid under them as well. Len was now shivering. He was nervous. He felt bare. There was nothing he could hide. Everything was now open to Kaito and while he was exposed like this, Kaito had the power to do anything.

"Hey Kaito you still here? Where are you? It's getting late we need to go." Miku's voice reverberated from outside the room, in the halls.

"Kaito-nii! Would you show yourself already?" Rin's voice called out suggesting she was trailing behind Miku.

With a kiss Kaito said goodbye to Len. "Damn them, they picked the worst time to notice I was missing." He put on his clothes and walked back to the bed where Len still laid undressed. "What's with that look on your face? Don't worry Len-chan you know where I live how 'bout you pay me a visit sometime? Besides who knows? I might just use this key again some other time.

"He's gone." Len stayed there, lying in his bed wondering if what happened was really real. He didn't even have the energy to put his clothes back on. Whether or not he wanted that to happen he now felt empty. Kaito opened him and stripped him down until he was completely vulnerable. He did all this and then left without doing anything. Did he want more to happen? How much more can he ask from him? Finding his boxers he wore them and instantly fell asleep.


End file.
